my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize