Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
