if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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