he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize