time to smoke my breakfast
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
