Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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