I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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