Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
