some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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