Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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