My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
