So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
