Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
