Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
