Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
