Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize