Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize