if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
