ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
