No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
