The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
