Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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