Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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