We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
false alarm, still single
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
