ya dads aren't the best wingmen
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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