maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
