I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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