Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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