i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
