Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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