I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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