He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
