Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
