I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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