I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
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