Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
