Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
