i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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