so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
