Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
