I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
