I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
