please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
My vagina is officially offended.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
