I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
