i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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