Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I think a kid would responsible me up
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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