What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
