Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Randomize
