It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
