I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize