i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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