is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
