I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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