This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
