You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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