Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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