My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
