It's Friday. Sex?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
