the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
A bitchslap is in order.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
