He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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