so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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