I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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