How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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