Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize