his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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