Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
