Kiss
Puke
it wasn't lemon gatorade
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Randomize
