you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
